I am killing this blog. Goodnight moon, goodnight stars.
It's been wonderful, thank you somedayunderground. You've hugged me, you've kicked me, you've been a stupid weblog for a long long time. Before freshman year. Before you, I had others.
And I'm retiring you. Too many emotions here that are past now, I'm starting over.
with immense frustration with high school at a peak (so bad that i feel physically ill whenever i think about it), i think i'm going to be abandoning this blog for a while. we'll see how long i actually last.
could be three days, could be a month. i don't know.
so i'll just leave you with this.
Sitting quietly watching the ticking on the wall She sits patiently, she thinks maybe the world will fall She says, “I feel at times like I had it and lost it all” But there are walls are in her eyes
Waiting, she says, is the hardest thing to do You don’t feel like somebody else and you don’t feel like you Sometimes the light around me has the strangest hue And I wonder what I’m going through
And she’s on fire, and her whole world is burning Yeah, she’s on fire, and it feels like her whole world just keeps turning She says, “I’m so full of doubt, I don’t know if I’ll ever find a way out Feels like something I read in a book somewhere I’ve been thinking, you know I’ve been thinking I’ve thought myself into the ground, I’ve been thinking That I’m sinking.”
Here we go
Lonely I take through and my mind begins to soar She talked to anyone, so it’s anyone she told There’s an empty chair at the end of an empty hall And she feels small
Faces smile, she’s moving through a crowd The sun is shining but it’s hiding a cloud She laughs from time to time but she feels a little loud And she would cry but she’s too proud
And she’s on fire and her whole world is burning Yeah, she’s on fire, and it feels like her whole world just keeps turning She says, “I’m so full of doubt, I don’t know if I’ll ever find a way out Feels like something I read in a book somewhere I’ve been thinking, you know I’ve been thinking I’ve thought myself into the ground, I’ve been thinking That I’m sinking.”
And you want to tell her that she’s gonna be fine And you want to tell her that the light hurts when you’ve been blind She says, “All I see stretching out before me is time” She says, “All I see stretching out before me is time” Oh, and you want to tell her that she’s gonna be fine Oh, woman, you’re drinking your cyanide wine, now Ohhh, woman, don’t you know that you’re going to be fine? Don’t you know that you’re going to be fine?
-- a murdoch
please, i beg you to be kind. those of you whom i love, i love you.
virginie is incredible, she dances incredibly.. incredibly talented. and steven is the one that fucking got FRANKIE MANNING out of retirement to get him to teach. thus, i'm taking lessons with the man who brought back swing in the 1980s. do you realize how intense that is? anyone? and when they're paired, they are the best lindy hop couple in the US. that is incredible.
yes. i love my life, primarily because i can forget all about st andrews for a couple sweet, sweet hours and dance with people who are kind and fun and actually regard me as equals.
and its nice because theres no teenage drama. no stupid shit, no emotional grossness, no awkwardness. its grown ups having fun, dancing, having major endorphin rushes.
but what am i still to you? some thief who stole from you?
Ah, but what is highschool without the drama? Drama sucks, kids. Leave your stupid pranks at home, you'll shoot someones eye out. Or worse, get them to hate you totally. And when you get to that point, please remember that redemption is not an option.
I'd really like to thank everyone who made me smile today, who gave me a break today, who was courteous and generous and loving, who gave hugs. It is genuinely appreciated.
and to quote ted leo
"You didn't think they could hate you, now did you? Ah, but they hate you, and they hate you cause you're guilty..."
Don't play with guns you can't handle. And remember when you purposefully shoot your friend's eye out - the eye ain't going back in.
so don't give me that bullshit you know who I am I'm your nightmare little man Vic you stole my lunch money made me cry Jane remember second grade? Said you couldn't stand my face rather than kiss me you said you'd rather die...
You'll be sorry one day yeah you will - yes you will you shouldn't push me around cause I will - yes I will you will be sorry when I'm big yes you will - yes you will you will be sorry
'cause I'm big and important one angry dwarf and 200 solemn faces are you if you really want to see me check the papers check the tv oh, no, looks who's telling who what to do
So far today, I have not only read a ton, but I've had my faith restored in humanity.
* listened to the most fantasticly interesting conversation for hours, while pretending to read. the guy was incredibly smart, he had so much life skill and experience with everything it seemed... he had a billion majors, he was 30, he was a crazy hippie, he read constantly, had so many interesting things to say, and had been to 6 mental hospitals in 6 months. i was enthralled.
* the weather was perfect
* I realized that if people who pretend to be my friends just treat me bad, that they're not worth my time. I know, it's impressive. Easier decided than done... yes. I will not cry.
* I decided that I need to know more. I want to learn, read, expand, be able to talk about anything. Like some person once said, paraphrased, "little minds talk about people, good minds talk about events, great minds talk about ideas". I want to be like that guy.
* realized that high school will be shit and that is okay. And to quote that guy, "The shy, sensitive people are chastized in highschool, and in college they’re put on a pedastal." Yes, I wrote a couple things he said down... but most I couldn't, he was going so fast with everything- psychology, religion, science, etc, that I didn't want to miss any... well college should be great.
* I'm hell bent on getting out of SAS. I hate to be blunt, but you can say you'll miss me or whatever, but I really doubt it. I swear. People have left who people say "ohhh im going to miss you" but does anyone really ever give a shit? No. That's okay. I'm down with it. It's like that anywhere.
I'm ready to live. Where do I start?
Stephen and Virginie are coming to austin! Yessss. Workshop next weekend. Best lindyhoppers... wooo
By the way, Khafre, the second largest of the Great Pyramids in Giza is about to reopen. It's been undergoing repairs for a couple years... woo!
forget mother nature, this is how it's meant to be
Massive realization:
I'm shy. Seriously. Shy beyond reason. Deal only with one on one, if then.
I like hiding behind big sunglasses, away messages, masks, facades of sorts. So this blog therefore baffles me.
(new sunglasses, by the way. fun to wear at night.)
Considering quitting the blogging occupation. I hate talking about myself, saying "I" all the time is making me uncannily self conscious.
You know what sucks though? Private numbers. I hate missing calls from "private" numbers, because then I don't know who it is and I can't return the call... especially if I'm waiting for calls or whatnot. Drives a brain crazy.
You say we were an accident, well with accidents you never know what could have been So we were an accident.. you'll always be my favorite one
I need to go to a bigger school. Really really really.
Sorry for whining. I swear I'll be interesting sometime. And go an entire entry without mentioning myself. That would rock.
How are you?
Willis Allen Ramsey is incredible... especially angel eyes. that song. wow.
so you said `you have to put some truth into your words´
as many of you may know, i'm with jon stewart in that crossfire is rediculous, retarded, and hurting america.
http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2652831
well, hallelujah and pass the ammunition, we've won. i was just sitting here, you see, reading the nytimes (oh surprise.), and i see the headline in the Business Day section:
"CNN Ends Link To Commentator CNN has ended its relationship with the conservative commentator Tucker Carlson, left, and will shortly cancel its daily political discussion show, "Crossfire.""
the article goes on to say...
"Mr Klein specifically cited the criticism that the comedian Jon Stewart leveled at "Crossfire" when he was a guest on the program during the presidential campaign. Mr Stewart said that ranting partisan political shows on cable were "hurting America". Mr. Klein said last night, "I agree wholeheartedly with Jon Stewart's overall premise." He said he believed that especially after the terror attacks on 9/11, viewers are interested in information, not opinion."
= soon to be unemployed. wahahhahaa.
This is fantastic. I can't believe it. I'm so happy. Additionally, its a semi-pat on the back, since after I saw that show, I wrote a lengthy email to CNN explaining how I thought the show was immature, bogus and "hurting america".
[napoleon voice] Yessssssss [/voice]
And shit, it isn't/wasn't even a debate show, just a bunch of people yelling "poop face!" for the entire show, essentially.
Nota Bene: This page doesn't always automatically refresh upon entry. To make sure you see the latest post, hit REFRESH on your browser. Thank you, lovelies. -a
= soon to be unemployed. wahahhahaa.
